Hello world!

Well, I’m trying this “blogging” thing out . . . I’ve got plenty to write about, but I’m not even sure where to begin. I’ve got 4 kids, 2 with special needs (the “double whammy”); one is a newborn; and I’m nuts! I cannot see what’s going on right in front of me. I fear that I’m missing all of these really “great childhood moments”, but I cannot fathom how I’m supposed to catch them all. I’ve decided that I’m struggling with post partum depression. Well, that was easy to say. But it’s not that easy to describe because I’m also suffering from “I-don’t-know-what-to-do-about-my-special- needs-kid” syndrome. I’ve got all the kids enrolled in cool camps, but then I get the “call”. . . . they cannot handle my kid in the mainstream camp. They’re really sorry. Thing is, I get it. I’m really sorry, too. I’m pleasant; they’re pleasant. They give me a credit for my $, even though we both know they’re not “allowed” to, and we also both know that I’d prefer them to just handle my kid. So, I walk out of there . . . and cry. And I mean, really cry. I just want something for him to do away from me. My other two were so easy to find camps for. So much for “baby and me” time this summer . . .

So, I decided to do this 8-week weight loss program at my gym . . . to do something “all about me”, ya know? Only thing is, when you’re checking 2-3 kids into the gym daycare, it’s not really all about me. I keep getting paged out of my workouts, to deal with my inconsolable newborn, or my “hitting and disruptive” special needs 3 year old. So much for the weight training . . .

So, I’ve also decided that I need to be closer to God this summer. The whole baby thing threw me out of whack with my quiet times. Well, I found the perfect friend to do the perfect study with . . . but we can’t seem to find the perfect night to get together. We both have traveling husbands and multiple children in multiple things. So much for the Bible study . . .

So, against all statistical odds, I actually know somebody whose baby just died of SIDS. And the scary thing is that her baby was only 6 days younger than mine. I’m all freaked out about everything from sleep training to feeding to crying to teething . . . all the things that I should be “old hat” at by the fourth child. I’m just rambling in circles, hoping to make sense of what really and truly is a fantastic life. When you put it all in perspective, there’s really nothing to be upset about. It’s just that putting it all in perspective can be really difficult sometimes . . . so much for sanity, huh?

But, overall, I get it. I get that I’m blessed. I get that God is watching over me and has chosen me for this role. I get that He’s carrying the weight of my burdens, and I get that most of my life is NOT a burden, but an incredible blessing! I just can’t seem to acknowledge this on a moment-by-moment basis. Any thoughts?